In the dark

A couple of years ago, vaguely, I saw my former partner outside our rented apartment in the dark with a stranger. It was really late and the light coming from the windows wasn't enough to push back the shadows that hid them from me. But I knew they were close. Too close for strangers to stand by each other in a dark corner of the compound.

I was used to sleeping with my partner. We shared that small bed that was pushed against the thin wood wall. Feeling that someone was with me as I slept brought me comfort, security, contentment. But that night I woke up alone and confused. Where could have my partner gone?

I heard hushed voices coming from outside. Our room was nearest to the only door of that small place. I tried to silently open the door of the room, but I knew that that would be impossible since our room's door was tightly pressed against the wooden frame of the wall. I opened it still and rushed outside, away from the bright flourescent light of the small living area, into the dark outside. And there I saw them.

My partner immediately tried to bring me back inside. I can't be sure of what I did next. But I am not a man of the fist therefore I can definitely say that the stranger left bruise-free.

I was angry at my partner, but it eventually subsided. I was even foolish enough to apologize to the stranger for my odd behavior thru text. I don't know why I did that, but I know now that my reaction wasn't odd at all, in fact it was warranted, and that by apologizing to the stranger I have lost my mind.

Regardless of reason, no partner should ever meet with a stranger especially in the dark. The experience has left me a little traumatized, paranoid even. I hate this.

Rejection for Dummies

A couple of years ago I dated a guy I have mentioned in one of my older entries. Of course, if you’ve read it, you would know who I’m talking about. I won’t go into details, but to keep it short: we stopped and he got angry.

It's odd that the guy I dated years ago was mad at me. Was it the way I answered back at his pathetic, desperate verbal attacks or was it because he couldn’t accept the fact that I’m not into him.

I haven't done anything bad. I only did what I had to do, reject him. It must’ve grown on him and has made his life’s mission to stay mad at me 'til he’s peacefully in his sleep. Now, it’s not only my former date who’s mad at me, but there are others as well. Others whom I’ve had dated.

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way... that is not easy. Aristotle

I’ve thought maybe they’re not well aware of what to do when they’re under pressure of being rejected or when they have already been rejected.  So here, I’ve decided to share some of my own thoughts on how to move on from rejection, your fault or not.

Do not take your rejection personally. Remember, it's not easy to reject a person. The reject-or needs to take the reject-ee's feelings in to account. He needs to break it to you in such a way that you'd get less hurt from the experience. He's actually doing you a favor by not wasting your time with him.

Erase him from your phonebook. Keeping his number would only make the feeling worse (if you’ve been rejected). You’ll only be tempted to rant at him. You’ll end up as the bitter little loser and him the glorious winner.

Change his name. If you can’t erase him from you phonebook because you think you might actually have a chance to be friends with him but you’re not ready yet, then its better that you change his name for the meantime to “Do Not Text Him”. It worked for me!

Indifference. Don’t show or let the person know you’re concerned. Be apathetic.

Surround yourself with friends. Friends can and will keep your mind off him. They’re one of the best you have to keep you distracted until you get to meet someone knew.

Be in the market. Come on, the guy’s not the only one in the ocean. Surf the net immediately after that date.

Chocolates. Works every time.

And lastly, do not make the same mistakes again. You’re stupid if you will. Making the same mistakes increases your chance of getting rejected, again!

Now I’m sure there are other ways which you guys might think of, or my rules do not apply to yours. It never hurts to try. These, of course, are all based from experience. The whole point of dating is to get to know the person. I don’t see any reason why you should get mad at someone because of rejection. Unless, of course, that person has done something that would really merit anger, do not show one bit of emotion towards him.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the inquiry that provokes it. Seneca

So, what do I have to say to the guy I dated two months ago? Thank you for showing you still care. You must be in hell every time someone mentions my name.

image source

Try again later

Recently, an old flame popped out of nowhere to ask if we could be friends again. Of course I said yes. He told me how I motivate him now and I felt happy knowing that I help other people become better individuals. But I didn’t expect it was a motivation of a different kind. Our conversations are about our past most of the time and I get uncomfortable talking about it. He nags about how I never put effort in the relationship and I gave up on him. He knows about my present relationship and insists on other things I will not mention here. What I do not understand is how he cannot let go of the past. He is clinging to that past and hoping that our so-called friendship would bring it back. Now that’s stupid. If you are reading this, I will say this to you again: Try again later. Or better yet, don’t try at all. I did my part when I was with you, you didn’t do yours. Do the math.