Thursday, May 10, 2007
No, I have no fanatical idea or some dim-witted observation to share today. I simply want to express what I feel right now. The bittersweet feeling of giving up someone from not so long ago and all the things that came along with it for another who’s crazy about you now. I’m torn, actually, a product of my actions. Of late, I know that I’ve been so immature. Always on the go, rushing things, carefree, and unpredictable, I thought I could always foretell the “not so long ago”. But no, I even gave up early, thinking that I could always wait for nothing to come and make something out of it like solid out of thin air. What the “not so long ago” could never boast is a promise, a vow, a commitment. I can’t be without it. It is what I desire. It is what most people want. But seeing as to why my then source of inspiration cannot give what I desire, I gave space for another which I know can give. Soon I entwined myself in this infatuation. But it came back to me. My past has left an indelible mark, a memory I cannot seem to forego. What the “now” cannot seem to expunge. I know I can always care for 2, but one has to weigh more than the other. Both can never be the same. And so now I try to find the answer that would lift me from this catch-22, this no-win situation, this vicious circle. This bittersweet feeling I can’t seem to get out of, knowing of the ineffaceable reminiscence of the past I keep turning to unknowingly, and what the present holds for me. This is me now, a jumbled room of muddled emotions and dreams.