Sleepless and a cup of coffee

Photo by richardpalumbo-photo.com

Oh, hey. I can't sleep and I have a hot cup of coffee with me. No, it's not the coffee that's robbing me of sleep. It's something else.

I just graduated from college last week and the reality of it all is starting to sink in. I'm a graduate. I no longer have to worry about school, about reports, about pop quizzes, and difficult professors. I no longer have to stress myself with rehearsals and walking from the main gate to the college building (a very long walk, let me tell you). Nope. I'm done with all that. But I do have a whole lot of things to worry about now.

I can't find sleep because I'm worried about not being able to get the job that I want. And somehow all the tweets and messages of encouragement don't seem to help. Mike has been a dear. He's been helping my email copies of my resume to most of the publishing companies in the Metro. So far no replies. Not yet. 

Sure, there are other jobs out there. Yesterday I was at the mall and I was approached twice by a call center in Alabang inviting me to apply for a job in their company. Yes, I was invited twice by two different HR officers from the same company. Makes me ask the following questions:

1. Are so many people leaving that company in waves that they have to give handouts and personally invite mall-goers to apply to fill the empty seats? If so, why are these people leaving if they're advertising themselves as the best?
2. While I'm waiting for a response from the publishing companies, should I consider going back to the call center until I get an email for the position I really applied for?
3. Should I even wait at all? If I did go back to the call center, I'd be working my ass off to become a trainer (yes, I did consider it and I would still do) and work my way up to corporate communications (3rd dream job). That isn't so bad, is it? 
4. What's taking these publishing companies so long to respond?!
5. If I decide to go back to the call center and leave the moment I get an email from a publishing company, won't that make look like a jerk for using them? But then so many people seem to be doing just that already.
6. Why am I even thinking of going back to the call center? Oh yeah--I'm officially unemployed now.
7. When will I become an editorial assistant?

Unlike some of my peers, I do not have the luxury of being unemployed for the next few months. I only have 2 more months left before my lifeline gets cut (I'm hoping it's 2 more months and not less) and I need to get a real stable job that pays. Sure, my writing projects bring in some cash, but it's not the 15th-30th kind. I only get paid when there's something to write about. The woes of being a freelance writer. That's why I really want to become an editorial assistant. It's the first step of my ladder towards writing-with-a-regular-paycheck. 

These are some of the things that have been keeping me awake at 2:30 AM. Just the tip of the iceberg. It seems the stress from reports, pop quizzes, difficult professors, and long uphill walks to the college building is easier to bear now than it originally did.

Oh, look...no more coffee.

Bilibid lessons

There are a lot of things we take for granted. Most of the time we forget to appreciate the little things. Sometimes we complain about how long it takes to accomplish a task or the amount of time we need to save enough for a gadget we've been eyeing on for weeks. And after we've reached our goal, we set ourselves to reach another small thing, another mundane task, just to satisfy our cravings to be in or to be useful. But most of the things we want are nothing compared to the only desire of people who have spent years behind bars, away from all the things we so desperately pursue, away from their families, and that is to live.

It's real, you know, that life inside prison is hard. It's the most extreme of all punishments, I think. To be separated from your families, from your friends, from your job, only to be locked away with fellow men who have wronged as well. To be taken away pf your life is torture. The emotional, psychological and sometimes, physical torture, takes it toll on their bodies. What is more painful than to be separated from the people you love? Oh, the irony of being labeled as a menace to a hypocritical society.

Inside, they get to enjoy what little freedom left they have, a few rights they still posses. But not always. They only get to do what they can in a short time, and if they don't obey, they either get punished with extremely difficult tasks, or worse, death in the hands of corrupt wardens.

Sure, most of us will say they deserve to be locked away from the rest of society, from their families. But that's just mean of us. They're people, too, with feelings and rights. And no amount of prejudice will ever change that. Like all of us they deserve a second chance, don't they?

The only thought that brings them hope, gives them joy, and gets them going each day, is the fact that they will eventually be set free to be with their families, and to rebuild their lives again outside the barbed walls and iron gates of prison. They only want to live again.

Many of those who were sent to prison deserve freedom. Many of those who are free deserve to be locked away. Are we lucky? Extremely. But are we better than these people who spend years locked away? Hardly.