Stressed Out. Sleep Deprived.

Now that my core leave is about to end, I am preparing myself for the stressful environment that is called work. I’ll be honest with you. I used to enjoy working for HSBC. I loved it once. Working for one of the biggest and best financial institutions, not to mention “the best place to work”, was a very seductive sales pitch. But lately, the politics and unending changes and updates at work seem to be getting more and more unhealthy every second.

I can’t seem to handle all the changes lately. People leave or have been let go for various reasons and those who stay fill their post for an indefinite period of time. Right now, we’ve got thrice the amount of work compared to what we had when I joined the team – October was the beginning of the “peak season” and a lot of accounts were being worked. A lot of updates have been done. A lot add to the inconvenience of our customers. But what can I do… These are procedures – for the company’s best interest - which sometimes confuses me. And I follow these to my very best even if I have to argue with some incredibly stupid GM, Orchard, or Household Bank Cardholders.

I’m not worried about competition. It’s always there. But in my department it’s no longer good. Not to brag but for the first few months I have exceeded even those who have been with the department for years. That’s because I was enthusiastic and new and young. I leveled myself with the top performers at the start and I was able to produce great results for an entry-level employee. Recently my stats at work have been dropping. I’m no longer performing at my best and I’m not worried about it at all.

It helps when we have a goal and we can feel that we’re getting closer to that goal every once in a while be it a promotion or raise. Honestly, I no longer feel that I’m getting to where I should be. I’m going around in circles. I feel like the quality of the work I am doing is not meant to be where I am now and this adds up to the decline of the quality of work I have.

I’m not saying that I’m going to resign immediately. I’m being practical by not leaving yet.  I simply want to let this frustration out. I’m going to continue with this bull crap until the day I no longer need to. I’m going back to school – which is like a new lease in life by the way. I’ve formally requested in writing about my intent of doing part-time work. Hopefully it gets approved pretty soon, otherwise I’m definitely leaving. Contrary to what a lot of people say, I believe that if you have the skill and the attitude, you’ll definitely land a job. What’s difficult is the waiting part – oh, and keeping it.
I remember what Mike said a couple of hours ago. Every time he sees our bags with the company brand...

He gets stressed already.