Missed opportunities

I double-checked my resume and made sure that all the details were correct, that everything was current. I attached it onto an email I drafted minutes earlier. As I typed the first few letters of the email address of the recipient, my laptop immediately filled out the rest. This was not the first time I sent my application letter to this email address. Then I clicked on Send.

Eight months ago I received an email from one of the country's leading men's style magazine inviting me to their office in Manila for a job interview. If I remember it correctly, I was ecstatic and jumping all around the apartment because 1) I wanted to become a full-time writer and 2) I was hoping to start this career in the magazine industry. I replied immediately and after a few emails, I finally had my interview schedule. But there was a conflict in our schedule because of an annual event in Manila so my interview was moved a week later.

It was the editor-in-chief who emailed me a week later. He wanted to interview me in Makati. I clearly remember meeting him in a cafe and I was sweating terribly because I was nervous. There I was, as wet as a dog inside an air-conditioned cafe, and he wore dark long sleeves, cool and dry. It was kind of embarrassing at first, but I decided not to pay attention to that bead of sweat running down my back and answer all his questions the best I could. I wasn't the only one he was going to meet; there were others, too. A few days later, he called, and I declined his offer.

During that time I thought I made the right decision to decline his offer and focus on my final semester. My thesis was halfway through, class projects were piling up, and the theater production I was part of was going to be shown to the students in a month or so. I decided to forgo the opportunity to be a part of an industry I dreamed of because my studies were more important, especially when I was finally graduating from college.

And I did graduate. A few weeks later I found myself working for an IT Solutions company based in Alabang as a copywriter and executive assistant. At first I was enjoying it because I wrote white papers and other technical things. But I wasn't happy. Barely a month into the job I resigned to become an account associate for a marketing communications agency. 

I enjoyed this job more than the first. It was fast-paced and exciting. There was so much to do. Actually, too much. But while I was learning how to create good decks (presentations) and those damned cost estimates, I began to miss writing. I was the last to join the team in my batch of newbies, and I was the first to leave. The truth is I could have handle the stress of the job, but my heart wasn't there. My heart was somewhere else. Imagine working for a good company, working from 9 in the morning to 12 midnight (which was never enough to get the job right), getting 17,000.00 pesos a month, but without commission, without passion. I was immediately disheartened and demotivated. I quit after 2 months and my reason was I no longer had the desire to continue because of a system that barely worked. 

Immediately after I resigned from the company, I started working at home. This time I wrote everyday. The pay is good. Really good. Let's just say that my pay is worth more than my previous supervisor's pay. But even if I wrote everyday, I still can't get my mind of the industry I wanted to be part of.

I still work at home. Writing. Drafting. But an opportunity presented itself and I immediately thought of that missed chance to work for the magazine. 

I double-checked my resume and made sure that all the details were correct, that everything was current. I attached it onto an email I drafted minutes earlier. It wasn't a very long email. It didn't have the usual formality of a cover letter. As I typed the first few letters of the email address of the recipient, my laptop immediately filled out the rest. Send. 

I remember my mom telling me over a telephone call that I don't have the luxury of job-hopping and that I should focus on one job once I get it. I completely agree with her. But I think I won't be able to focus and I'll easily give up if my heart is not there with me. To hell with fancy positions and big paychecks. If my heart isn't there, then what's the point? 

But isn't that what our 20s are for? Isn't it supposed to be the time of our lives when we begin to look for what we really want to be part of? Another stage in our quest to discover who we are and what we want to become. I'm not even 25 and I think it's okay for me to look for it. While I'm still young I will permit myself to make mistakes, to float freely, to discover new things, until I finally reach my goal and become part of an industry that I once turned down to finish college. Not that I'm ungrateful for finishing my education. That's another post entirely.